Jack: What do people not want to talk about? Soccer, jazz, infidelity.

Liz: I don't want to be with Spencer!
Criss: And yet you're silent about Grant.

Jenna: That song - like everything - is about me.

Tracy (to Jenna): Are you crying 'cause there are no roles for actresses in their 40s?

Liz: What Bill O'Reilly erotic novel are you living in?

Jack (as Avery): Check out Kim Jong Un's pants. Where's the flood?

Liz: Hey, I don't bail. I am still watching Smash, Criss.

Jon Hamm (as Chuck): Honey you have a dynamite shape, but you're gonna have to shut up and let a man tell us what's happening.

Tracy: Did they say when the banquet is? Because I'm kind of between tuxes due to weight fluctuation.

Dr.: We found your name on a list she keeps folded up in her shoe.