Tracy: In the spirit of Christmas and Kwanzo--
Liz: Kwanzaa.
Tracy: And shalamzazam to you too, my sister.
 
 
Jenna: Hey, I've gotta miss an hour of rehearsal today 'cause I just found out from my publicist that I've been booked on The View.
Pete: Oh, Jenna, that's great. For the first time in your life, you'll be in a room full of women and you'll be the least crazy one.
Jenna: Yeah, I know!
 
 
Jack: I'm not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness.
 
 
Jack: So what are you gonna do with your money? Put it into a 401(k)?
Liz: Yeah, I gotta get one of those.
Jack: What?! Where do you invest your money, Lemon?
Liz: I've got like twelve grand in checking.
Jack: Are you an immigrant?
 
 
Tracy: I'm embarrassed to say I've missed the birth of both of my sons, for very legitimate reasons.
Dot Com: "Cooking a French bread pizza" and "forgot"
 
 
Kenneth[Excited about cable TV] There's a whole channel on the cable that just tells you what's on the other channels!
Jack: I know, Kenneth. It's okay.
Kenneth: I'm glad I'm not a white man, Mr. Donaghy. ...Is SpongeBob SquarePants supposed to be terrifying?
Jack: You're darn right he is, Kenneth.
 
 
Tracy: So what's your religion, Liz Lemon?
Liz: I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.
 
 
Kenneth: Oh, Miss Lemon. You have several messages. Aw, let's see, that company running the bike tour in South Carolina says no singles. Uh, your credit card called; they want to make sure you're the one buying cream soda in bulk.
Liz: I sure am.
Kenneth: And your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.