Jenna: If PETA doesn't love you or hate you, you're a nobody, like a soldier or a teacher.

Liz: What are those?
Jenna: Leaches. They're good for your skin, and I've lost tons of blood weight.

Jack: It's the ultimate game...Jack Donaghy, playing with himself. It's a Jack-off.

Criss: How fresh is that dog? Yesterday that was the face, feet, and colon of a pig.

Liz: I really like my guy. He's sort of a Doogie Howser type, but younger.

Jenna: Picking a lock is like riding a bike...they're both skills you need to escape the Atlanta Falcons equipment room.

Jenna: His screams were the worst thing I ever heard...until tonight. Congratulations, you're a disgrace.

Tracy: You can take our freedom, unless you take our lives!

Jenna: You think we need a key? I guess someone's never been locked in a dog crate and thrown overboard for displeasing the sheik.