Colleen: If you were my kid, I'd mail you back to the stork.
 
Spokesman: KouchTown, sit down or get out of the way.
 
Gym Teacher: You weren't the only student I dated, but you were the only one who shot my wife.
 
Jack (as Larry): One of these days Dorris I'm gonna take a shotgun and blam, blow your face off.
 
Liz: Why didn't you just take the subway?
Kat: Because that's not romantic. Watch a movie Liz.
 
Tracy: Jenna I've been thinking.
Jenna: Why? You're famous.
 
Jon Hamm (as Abner): Here I is Alfie.
Tracy (as Alfie): Oh hell no, I ain't doin' this.
 
Jack (as Larry): One of these days I'm gonna cut you up in pieces and feed you to the neighbor's dogs.
 
Dr. Spaceman: Nine out of 10 doctors said "Who is this? Why are you calling so late?" but the 10th guy was into it.

 
Dr. Spaceman: Recent studies have shown that while pregnancy is disgusting, babies do not need tar or nicotine.