Frank: I've gotten women there, two, three points higher than me, so you know, fours!

Liz: I bought a restaurant grade onion ringer.

Criss: You don't use the tab closers on cereal boxes.
Liz: If you think those are doing anything to seal in freshness, you are living in a fantasy world, pal.

Hank: Last time I was this excited...was this morning. I saw a cat wearing the same sweater as its person.

Liz: I wish my first roommate hadn't died of old age!

Liz: I started eating the onion part of my onion rings.

Criss: The only thing you like about your job is taking home free sodas.

Liz: I think Coca-Coola brand Diet Banana Lime causes Tayamaneh.

Jack: Meditation is a waste of time, like learning French.

Jack: That sofa is made from Seabiscuit.