Hank: I didn't care for Mr. Socko. In my day socks just kept their mouth shut.
 
Jack: Are you being coached? Is it Pat Reilly? Tell him the fun-meister says hi. He'll know what that means.
 
Jenna: It's like I'm in a cage, and not the fun kind where you dance while USC football recruits throw hot coins at you.
 
Liz: I'm negotiating against you, you magnificent bastard.
 
Suze: How much have you saved?
Kenneth: Are you talking about saving squirrels from hawks? Zero.
 
Pete: When your kid throws a tantrum and holds his breath, you hold your breath too. When you regain consciousness, believe me, he's ready to leave the toy store.
 
Jenna: I need someone who has so little going on in her life, she lets me get all the attention.
Liz: And I need someone in my life who doesn't listen to a word I say.
Jenna: Thank you. I just got it cut.
 
Jenna: What were you even doing at that bachelor party?
Liz: Derek thought I was a guy and I didn't want to ruin what was happening between us.
 
Jack: Our new slogan, NBC: We have a magical horse, is testing...okay.
 
Toofer: He looks scared, like Lutz on an escalator.