Jack: Next week Jay-Z was going to do a duet with one of the spinning chairs from The Voice, and the chair just pulled out.

Kenneth: I'm sorry I won't be seeing you in heaven Mr. Spurlock, but on the bright side, black hell does have a juke box.

Jack: This thing's a real cash cow, unlike Cash Cow, the NBC spinoff of Cash Cab. You try riding a cow through midtown Manhattan, Lemon. The animal will panic.

Jenna: Even if you could sing, with that face, it would be like eating a steak that just came out of a dumpster.

Kenneth: I get to go to heaven and receive my reward: 72 virgin, margaritas. Hold the salt.

Jenna: You don't have a little rat face, you opposite of a turd with eyes.

Jack: Maybe we could make even more money by pretending to be nice. I mean, look at Betty White.

Liz: You're a 42 year old man.
Tracy: No I'm not. I took a real age test. It said I'm dead.